The Emotional Side of Speaking a Second Language

You might not feel like yourself

Hi there!

Welcome back, or welcome if you’re new here! How are you feeling this week? I hope it’s not too personal of me to ask that… but… today’s topic is going to be a bit deeper than the usual ones. 

Have you ever noticed how speaking a second (or third, or fourth…) language not only challenges your vocabulary and grammar knowledge, but also something deeper? Something within you… Almost like your identity?

I bet you’ve heard people say, ‘I promise I’m funnier in my language’ or ‘I’m so much more intelligent in my language’, and that’s exactly what I’m referring to! Languages are not only a communication tool, but they also carry your personality, humour and even some emotional nuance. 

Today, we won’t be talking about grammar or fluency, but about what actually happens internally when you speak English.

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Who Are You in English?

You are not the same version of yourself in English

Many advanced learners notice a major aspect when they start using English a lot: a shift in their personality. This might sound extreme, but think of it… When speaking in English (or any other language for that matter), we tend to feel more serious, more cautious and less spontaneous. This could manifest in so many different ways, but here are some examples:

• You avoid sarcasm to play it safe (you’re unsure how it will land)

• You laugh less quickly because you need more time for processing

• You are witty in your first language, but more reserved in English

• You simplify your opinions because complexity feels risky

These are just a few examples, but they demonstrate well the personality shift I was talking about. Now, no need to worry! This doesn’t mean that you’re losing your personality when speaking in a different language; it just means that your brain is prioritising safety and clarity over spontaneity, as you’re operating outside your linguistic comfort zone - and that’s completely normal!

Emotional expression feels heavier in a second language

Have you ever thought about how the words ‘I love you’ can have less of an impact than when you say them in your first language? Or it’s the complete opposite, and they feel like incredibly deep, almost intimidating, 3 words…

That is because strong feelings can oftentimes feel either exaggerated or flat in English…

For this reason, many learners tend to avoid emotional conversations. 

Saying ‘I’m upset’ feels too dramatic.

Saying ‘I’m disappointed’ feels too formal.

Saying ‘I’m fine’ feels like the safest option, even when it’s not really accurate.

Emotional vocabulary is not just about translating words from your mother tongue. It is about learning how emotions are framed, softened or intensified in another culture. And that takes more than vocabulary. It takes time, exposure and lived experience.

Mistakes feel more personal than they should

When was the last time you made a mistake in your first language? You probably don’t even remember because it was just a tiny slip, right? But, when it happens in your second language, it suddenly feels like a much bigger thing…

You replay those small errors hours later.

You over-apologise for minor slips.

You hesitate before saying something, even when you know the answer.

Mistakes in a second language do not measure who you are or how intelligent you are; they are part of the process of learning a new language. And even if you still make small errors once you’re completely fluent, so be it! Native speakers also make mistakes; they misspeak, use the wrong tense, misspell a word… Don’t be so hard on yourself 🤍

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Remember, true fluency does not come from how fast you can talk; it has more to do with having an emotional alignment. Confidence comes when you react without rehearsing, you crack that joke naturally, you disagree with someone without overthinking it, or even comfort someone without needing to search for the ‘English way of saying it’.

And, if English feels emotional, that is completely normal. It means that speaking the language matters to you, and that is already a huge step towards your goals 😁

Of course, I understand that you want to know how to improve this… Well, I’d advise you to try to be more aware of when exactly you feel smaller, stronger, quieter or freer while speaking English. 

The goal is not to eliminate emotion, but for you to feel your most comfortable self when speaking in English! I know you can do it ❤️

Until next time!

Camila