How to Sound Assertive in English Without Sounding Aggressive

24 hours ago
3 min read

Hi there!

Let’s start by explaining what being assertive actually means… Think of expressing your opinion clearly and confidently; that’s what it refers to, and that’s what we’ll be diving into today. Why? Because many people confuse it, thinking that assertiveness is either about volume or force… this can make you sound a bit too direct or, in some cases, even hesitant.

Remember, there is a difference between aggressiveness, passiveness and assertiveness…

Aggressive communication pushes people away
Passive communication avoids friction, but often at your own expense
Assertive communication holds its ground calmly

To master this balance, you need to pay attention to the tone, structure and choice of language. Often, it has nothing to do with personality but more with having clarity and control.

The Fine Line Between Assertive and Aggressive English

Assertiveness starts with ownership, not accusation

Aggressive communication often uses ‘blaming language’.

Assertive communication uses ‘ownership language’.

But… what does that even mean? 😩 Well, to put it simply, ownership usually lowers defensiveness while also keeping your position clear (a win-win if you ask me!). Let’s look at some examples to make this clearer:

instead of:	use:
You never listen!	I don’t feel heard when I’m interrupted.
You misunderstood the whole point.	I think we may be looking at this differently.
That’s wrong!	I see it differently.

See the difference?

Short sentences sound stronger than emotional ones

Have you ever noticed how defensive it can sound when people give very long explanations? Being calm and to the point is oftentimes the better choice, as it really helps with how you and what you’re saying are perceived. Unfortunately, over-explaining can weaken the authority that clarity gives in a sentence. Just have a look at the following examples so that you can have a better picture of what I’m talking about.

instead of:	use:
I just think maybe it might not be the best idea because there are quite a few risks…	I’m not comfortable with that.
I mean, I don’t know, it just feels a bit strange to me…	That doesn’t sit right with me.
I don’t want to cause problems, but…	I’d prefer a different approach.

You’re not being rude, just because your sentences are short. Usually, assertiveness is best shown in a calm and brief language, without over-explaining.

Tone often matters more than vocabulary

You’ve probably been wondering when I’d bring up our best friend: tone 😂

We’ve spoken about the tone and intonation a lot as they can make the same sentence sound veeeery different, depending on how you deliver it. I’d say that some things to always keep in mind are:

Pace of your sentences
When to pause and for how long
The facial expressions you use (veeery important)
Paying attention to your breath control

Once you’re able to find a good balance with these points, your assertiveness comes across as controlled energy rather than super intense energy. Just take a minute and say the following sentences out loud and think of how different they come across:

‘That’s not acceptable’ said calmly
‘That’s not acceptable’ said sharply

They might be the same words, but they’ll definitely have a different impact…

Unfortunately, assertiveness is not learned just from reading about it… It is best developed through practice in real interactions. By putting yourself in situations where you might be interrupted, you might disagree with someone, or where you have to react on the spot or give/receive feedback. I understand that not everyone has the chance to do all of that in their day-to-day life, which is why I’m very excited to share the following with you:

From 19th July to 24th July 2026, we’re organising an Immersive English course in London again! 🤩 Something I really love about the in-person immersion is how fast confidence changes!

Think of:

A very small group
High-level discussions
Deep immersion
Real-time correction
A space where you finally stop rehearsing what to say and start responding in English

Confidence grows fastest when you are fully immersive and that’s exactly why we’re organising this course again!

Reply to this email if you want more information 😌

If there’s only one thing I want you to take away from today’s newsletter, it’s that assertiveness is a skill, not a personality trait.

I’d recommend you start practising giving short and clear statements and reflect on how they come across. When do you sound ‘too soft’ and when ‘too sharp’?

Until next time!

Camila