How to sound polite in English without sounding fake

Cami
Dec 25, 2025
4 min read

Hey there,

I hope you are doing well! I know that it can be a little bit stressful around this time of the year, but I just wanted to remind you that you can do it!

So, before we dive deeper into today’s topic, I want to ask you: What is one of the first things that comes to your mind when you think of English people? If I had to answer this question, I’d probably say that they are very polite. At least that’s what I was told growing up 😆. But, did you know that politeness in English isn’t always about grammar or super-long sentences with words that sound like Shakespeare used to use? Shocker, I know! It’s mainly about 3 things:

Tone
Phrasing
How much space you give the other person

Once you start paying closer attention, you’ll notice that English, and especially British English, relies heavily on softening the language. English learners tend to translate sentences directly from their mother tongue to English, which oftentimes ends up sounding much blunter and stronger than they may have intended. But sounding polite does not mean that you have to speak in a ‘weak’ or indirect way. It’s more about being socially aware and paying attention to clarity and awareness.

Now, without further ado, let’s get straight into the small changes you can make that will bring a big difference to your everyday conversations (and possibly emails as well).

What politeness really means in English

I’d like you to think of politeness as the following: It’s about reducing the pressure on the other person. Many times, you’ll hear native speakers soften their requests or questions in order to sound more collaborative, rather than commanding. Politeness can also be very situational - what may sound fine with your friends could sound very rude at work or with a stranger. I guess an example would make it much easier to understand… Right?

‘Send me the file’

‘Could you send me the file when you have a moment?’

The first one sounds pretty much like an order, while the second one gives the other person a choice and also time to do it whenever they’re free to do so. A big difference, if you ask me!

Use softening phrases (but naturally)

In the beginning, I touched on the softening aspect for sounding more polite in English. Now, I don’t want you to search ‘softening phrases’ on Google and learn the first list you find by heart. No. What I want you to do is focus on what people actually use. Here are some really good openers that can help you sound less direct and blunt:

‘I was just wondering if…’
‘Would you mind…’
‘Is there any chance you could…’
‘Could you…’
‘I wanted to ask…’

These, compared to ‘I need this today’ or ‘Tell me how it went’, help you lower the emotional weight of your request and make you sound less demanding. Remember, being polite revolves a lot around the tone and timing you use, as well as tiny language shifts.

Another really interesting thing is the usage of small polite markers. They are tiny, but very powerful and often missed by learners. Think of just, a bit, rather (among others). These words do not weaken your message at all, but make it smoother. Exactly what we’re looking for!

When politeness goes too far

Just like with everything else in life, no extreme is good. Finding a balance is key, and this also applies to politeness. Many people would probably say that apologising is part and parcel of being polite. But over-apologising is actually a thing! Politeness should sound confident, not insecure. And apologising all the time and for everything sends the exact opposite message.

This could be harmful, especially in professional or academic settings, as it might make you seem like you lack confidence, regardless of your English level. Let me give you a quick rule of thumb: If you are not interrupting, correcting or causing inconvenience, there is probably not a need for an apology. Remember, native speakers apologise for mistakes, not for existing. And yes, this also applies to the typical ‘Sorry, my English isn’t very good’ sentence I hear all the time!! There is absolutely nothing you need to apologise for if you feel like you’re not at a certain English level yet. ❤️

I would like to finish today’s email with a little reminder that politeness is a skill that everyone can learn, not a personality trait. Remember, sometimes a simple change in the phrase you’re using, or the tone, can be enough. And do you know what the most beautiful thing about this is? When you sound polite, people tend to respond more openly, more warmly, and sometimes even more patiently, because that’s exactly how you’re sounding as well! How beautiful, right?

If you’d like to practise everything I shared with you today (and more 😉) in a safe and professionally-guided environment, The English Life Academy is the right place for it. Reply with ‘I want to be fluent’, and I’ll share everything you need to know to get started.

Until next time!

Camila